Narrative writing revision

Finding Nemo

I am Nemo, a little clownfish who lives a quiet life with my dad, Marlin, on the Great Barrier Reef. I long for adventure but my father is always worried about the dangers in the ocean. He barely let me out of his sight. On the first day of school, my dad overheard me and my new friends daring each other to swim out over a steep cliff. “Come on Nemo, how far can you go?” my friends shouted.

My father's heart skipped a beat and he cautioned sternly, “Nemo, you know you can’t swim well.” I retorted, “I can swim fine dad! Okay?” I darted up toward a boat on a surface. As I swam, a diver appeared behind him. The diver pulled out a net and caught me. Then, he returned to his boat and sped off, accidentally knocking one of his masks overboard. My father, Marlin, chased after the boat but it was too fast.
I had been taken to a dentist’s office. A goofy gang of tropical fish lived there. The fish and their friends Nigel, a pelican, passed the time by watching the dentist work. That night, I learned that I would be given to Darla, the dentist’s niece. The tank gang warned me that Darla’s fish never lived for very long. Their leader Gill took charge and said, “We’ll going to help him escape!”

Gill explained that if someone could jam the water filter, the dentist would take the fish out of the tank to clean it. When he put the fish in the plastic bags, they could escape by rolling out the window and into the harbor. But who would be brave enough to break the dangerous filter?
I was so scared, afraid that I couldn't get out, putting all my hope on that someone would come and save me.Yet, all I could do was exhale a weary sigh in the solitude of the aquarium's confines.

“Your dad’s fighting the entire ocean looking for you. And the word is, he’s headed this way right now- to Sydney!” said Nigel suddenly. I was happy to hear that and realized if I was ever going to get home, I had to be brave.

I took a deep breath and carefully jammed a pebble into the tank’s filter, stopping its swirling blades. Soon, the tank would be so dirty, the dentist would have to clean it. But, the next morning, the tank was still clean. The filter had been changed during the night, ruining their escape plan. Then, the dentist slipped the net into the water, capturing me.

As the dentist reached for Darla with the bag in hand, he suddenly caught sight of me, seemingly lifeless, with my belly floating upwards. I winked mischievously at my comrades, a secret signal that I was merely playing dead. The tropical fish gang erupted in jubilation, their cheers echoing through the aquarium, "He's destined for the toilet bowl! He's escaping our prison!" It was a moment of triumph, a play of deception that would lead me to freedom.
Outside Sydney, I knew Dad, and Dory had met Nigel, who flew them straight to the dentist’s office. The pelican soared inside with the two fish in his beak. Dad saw me floating upside down in the bag and he thought that his son was dead.

Nigel returned to the harbor. He dropped dad and Dory into the water. Dad swam out to sea, leaving Dory. He said, “We were too late. I’m going home now!” After Dad left, I swam out of a nearby pipe. I had been flushed. I spotted Dory swimming in circles and introduced himself. Dory hugged him happily.

I and Dory searched for dad spotting him in the nearby fishing grounds. Finally, we saw each other. As we swam towards each other, a big net dropped into the water and captured lots of fish, including Dory! But I knew exactly what to do. I said, “Tell all the fish to swim down!” Together, the fish swam down until the net broke. Everyone was free!
I don't know what adventures Dad and Dory have been through, but they must have gone to great lengths to get to me and rescue me.

Several weeks later, I was back home and ready for school. This time, my father was ready too. He knew that his son could take care of himself. He waved as I swam away. I swam back and hugged dad and said, “Love you, dad!” He smiled and said, “Love you too, son!” Now go, have an adventure!